hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
