I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
