I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
