Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
