I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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