do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
