i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
