just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
