There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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