Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
