Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
