i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
