Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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