i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
