the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he was CRYING into my vagina
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My ass is underappreciated
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
