I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
