hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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