have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
