So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
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