And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
