You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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