it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Green mimosas i think yes
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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