$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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