At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
