just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
