Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
