is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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