Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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