Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
