So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
