Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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