would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
