yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
