That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You need a sexual gate keeper
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
