I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
ttyl tear gas
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
