I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
