Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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