gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
