i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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