Did you just see the Batmobile???
a search helicopter?!
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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