Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
