I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Randomize
