i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
