Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
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