The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
