last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
