whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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