The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
no you cant smoke seaweed
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
