omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
