I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
