I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
