It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You need a sexual gate keeper
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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