i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
