do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
