forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
