Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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