Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
