GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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