her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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